Recently I’ve been seeing a lot of positivity towards medication for mental health problems. And I’m actually glad about that. All my life I’ve been told that I should do it by myself, meds are bad, avoid them at all cost. When in actual fact, my medication has helped me to lead a somewhat normal, functional life.
I don’t feel like I’m really feeling anything anymore. I don’t remember the last time I cried, or the last time I really, really laughed. I get annoyed by things, but I couldn’t tell you the last time I felt truly angry. I feel numb. Like my emotions have been muted.
Before I started my medication, I thought that was what I wanted – to feel nothing, or at least to feel a lot less. I thought because I was feeling so much all at once, it’d be nice to feel nothing for a while.
I was damn wrong. It feels awful! The only thing I think I might actually feel properly is frustration at the lack of passion in me. Where’s it gone? Where’s my love of writing gone? My love of books? My frequent but fairly tame anger at my sister? My passion over things like feminism and sexist bullshit? Where do those feelings go? Are they really just swallowed whole by a small, pink pill?
I don’t know, and that kind of freaks me out.
So despite having a bit of a hellish time with mood swings at the moment, I think I’d like to feel something again. I think a doctors appointment may be in order.


One thought on “Meds

  1. Meds are there to help you get on your feet and to be able to solve the underlying problems that cause(d) your situation in the first place. That’s a very important thing to remember.


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